Single and Content: A personal perspective

Holding her own with a content spirit, Regina Jele-Ncube is living life to the fullest single and free.

I do not claim to speak on behalf of all single women in this article, this is my own personal perspective and experience. By the way, I once was married and then life ‘happened’ and I found myself with a new status, widow. A status I have held for 22 years.

I don’t owe it to anyone to explain myself

I have grown, developed and matured within my ‘status’. It has been frustrating as well as amusing seeing those within my social circles try and ‘make me feel good’ as they feel sorry for me for being on my own. Debates on whether I should be considered a single person or not have been held much to my amusement. The truth of the matter, as far as I am concerned is, I am a single woman, happy and content. Society however, appears to battle with the concept I can be happy and single. I take a different view on my singleness. I see it through lenses that value who I am as an individual and a level of understanding that tells me I don’t owe it to anyone to explain myself neither do I have to defend my status. It is what it is. They either get me or they don’t. To be truly happy whilst in this season of singleness, is to fully embrace and accept it.

How can you be single and content? People ask. As alluded to earlier, being single is as much a season as being married is. Both, good seasons, and vital for personal growth. I often wonder why the season of singleness is then not accorded the same happy thriving status that being married is viewed. My value as an individual has never been based on whether I’m married or not, my value is realising my purpose, achieving my dreams, reaching out and taking my rightful place in society.

While I wait, I acknowledge and embrace my season of singleness

Contentment, in my situation does not mean the longing to have a significant other has miraculously disappeared, neither does it mean or say, ‘I can look after myself and I don’t need a man to look after me’ More often than not, it appears that is what people are hearing. All it simply means is, today, or while I wait, I acknowledge and embrace my season of singleness. It means, today, I am very much aware I am single, but should this season give way to the next season, I am open to embracing the new one.

Being single doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. Strangely enough, in not so many words, people have insinuated there is something so wrong with me for being single. Being single means being different and not weird.

‘’She is such a strong woman, no man would want or put up with her,’’

‘’She is such a strong woman, no man would want or put up with her,’’ whispers fly. Suddenly I have to make myself vulnerable, weak, have no emotional intelligence, suppress my God given intellect and be so desperate in order to quickly jump out of singleton. I am a strong woman and I am happy. Even if I were to get married tomorrow, I will still be me.

The strength I possess is present in every woman, yes it might come in varying levels, and mine might appear much heightened, it shouldn’t be seen as a curse. Singleness is not a curse, and neither is it a crime. it is a blessing as much as marriage is.

Contentment in my season of singleness means being me and knowing me. It’s about having expectations from a significant other. It is also realising that I might not get all the expectations and attributes I wish for, but having an open mind to know that people are humans, and a relationship is a give and take. There is nothing wrong in thinking and having qualities and attributes that I desire from a significant other hence making me enjoy being with that person.

Getting to the point where I am today- content and accepting of my status hasn’t happened over night, it has been a journey. As I have grown, matured and realise the love that Christ has for me, and most off all telling him my fears, regrets and heart’s desires has been the key. By the way in case you are wondering, I am still praying to God for a life partner, and trust me I have the specifications and God knows them.

Has God promised me a husband? The answer is NO. God has promised to supply all my needs. They might or might not include a husband. Just like any other issue that I present before God, I ask it according to his will, and should his will be that I remain single till He returns, so let it be.

Nothing in life is guaranteed- even the husband that I am looking for. I’m living proof to that.

Desperate?, DEFINITELY NOT

I have been asked if I actually ‘put myself out there’ so potential others can see me or vice versa. I often chuckle at this. My answer is simply this: I am not an island, I live and move around social circles like the rest. I work and mingle with people, I shop in ASDA, Sainsbury’s etc. I am single yes, happy- yes and desperate, DEFINITELY NOT. To say otherwise would be to suggest I should carry a placard saying, ‘single and desperate’

My worth and value is not based on my marital status and neither is it based through other’s eyes. My worth is in God. A man will compliment me and I may complement a man; and that is a good thing, but God will complete me. MT

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